Home is where the heart is….
I decided to build a house about two years ago. Now, I’m still building it. I don’t know whether it’s a right decision or not to build a house in my condition. I’m in the position where actually I don’t need a house. There’s a house I can stay, a house provided by the organization where I work. I have to share it with a work mate but I still have the right to stay there. I’m also a single woman. Building a house it’s not a woman’s thing. On the top of that, I actually have a very limited budget. Yet, I decided to build a house.
I was in an insecure situation when I took the decision. I saw how my boss, a very dedicated employee in our organization, was treated. Because of an evil libel, he was fired. Most of the staff felt insecure too. I thought anything bad could also happen to me. If it happened, where would I go? I don’t want to go back to my parents’ house. I don’t to go back to Jakarta. It’s too hot, crowded, hard and unfriendly for me. I’m sure I can make a living here. If bad things happened to me, if I lost my job, I can do something here. I can teach English somewhere here. I can make my own living here as long as I have a place to live, a place where I don’t have to pay the rent. That’s what made me come to my decision: build a house.
As I have estimated before, the process of building a house is very high-energy consuming. The whole thing is new to me and I have to do it myself! Of course not literary “all by myself”. Thank God I have a friend who helped me design my dream house. Other friend helped me buying the materials and organized the builder at the first stage of the construction. But they only help. I don’t mean to minimize their role, but I’m the one who make the decision.
First stage of the construction was finished after mounting a roof on the house. It left me with a serious debt beside the credit I had from a bank (I always think debt as a serious matter for I usually keep myself out of debt). There’s a miscalculation I made and a situation that I can’t avoid. I couldn’t withdraw my investment in a farming business and at the same time my brother couldn’t return my money that he borrowed a while before. He was in bad financial condition so I couldn’t expect from him. Thank God, my friend understood my situation. He and his wife didn’t force me to pay my last bill of the materials I used for my house. Later they even let me pay the bill by installment.
My parents were concerned about my house condition. It could deteriorate if I left it that for a long time. So when my father got a little money from the sale of an inherited house, he lent me the money so I can continue building my house. That’s how the second stage of my house construction is started. In this stage I used two builders from Jakarta who were recommended by my father. They were more expensive than the local builder, but at least they can stay at the construction site during their work. In other word, they also perform as temporary guard.
They turned out to be very diligent and professional. Even my neighbor admitted it to me. Now I have to dismiss them because I have ran out money to buy more material and pay them. What made me feel disappointed is the fact that the house is still not habitable. The electricity is ready, the floor is ready, all inside walls are ready to be painted but the most important thing, which is the bathroom, is not ready yet. I have asked my brother to buy the pump and the closet but he forgot to give it to me before he departed to work out of town. I never thought that the disappointment could be that intense that it felt so much hurt inside. I realized that the pain is just a game of mind. I was in a weak situation that I can be tricked by my own emotion and wants. I realized that if only I could align my wants with God’s want, I wouldn’t feel this pain. I know I should take it easy but I just couldn’t. There was a time when I really couldn’t deny and avoid the feeling. It was so achy inside. But there was time when I had to face my ghost. It turned out to be not too scary after all. I deal the last meeting with my builders and we did some inventory need for next stage of the house construction and then I paid them all in cash.
Phew…another stage was passed by. I feel extremely relieved and I can accept the condition. I don’t know where the bad energy (my disappointment) was gone. It’s just gone. Oh no, I know it: God has taken it from me. Now I can see that the building of my house is a series of lesson in hope, dreaming, time and budget management, patience, ikhlas and trust to Allah’s God. So if now I’m totally broke and have to give up some of my own personal needs such as cosmetic dental treatment or holiday, I can accept it peacefully. I know in time I will have them all. Some day, some way…
23 November 2009